Sidekick Girl

Saving the City: Sans-Spandex

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Edna: It will be bold! Dramatic!
Bob: Yeah!
Edna: Heroic!
Bob: Yeah. Something classic, like, like Dynaguy. Oh, he had a great look! Oh, the cape and the boots…
Edna: [throws a wadded ball of paper at Bob’s head] No capes!
Bob: Isn’t that my decision?
Edna: Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids.
Bob: Listen, E…
Edna: November 15th of ’58! All was well, another day saved, when… his cape snagged on a missile fin!
Bob: Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb…
Edna: Stratogale! April 23rd, ’57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!
Bob: E, you can’t generalize about these things…
Edna: Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex!
[shouts]
Edna: No capes!

10 responses to “Hero Handbook II”

  1. Tomy Ironmane says:

    Suggested compromise: When police officers are required to wear a tie, it is always a clip-on. Reason: If a thug tries to use it as a handle, it will break away. If you gotta wear a cape, make sure it’s not something that can drag your sorry butt into a jet turbine.

    • Storel says:

      Then it’ll just come off accidentally in a fight, at exactly the moment when it is either (a) most dangerous or (b) most embarrassing for you…

  2. Black Rose says:

    Would this handbook be effective during the Golden Age period (1938-1955)?

  3. Chris Ingersoll says:

    Every time I watch that scene I hear Bob call him “Dunderhead.”

  4. The Almighty 404 says:

    Like Tomy said, capes are fine as long as they can easily be pulled off. In a superhero novel series I read, the main character has a cape, and one of the first things we see said about capes is that it is “common sense” to have them attached by Velcro or snap fasteners.

    • Tomy Ironmane says:

      I had merely suggested a weak point in the clasp. Using velcro or “snap fasteners” might be appropriate for certain individuals and costumes, though higher powered/stronger individuals may find themselves having to upgrade their fasteners.

      In addition, a quick detach mechanism (batman pattern, illustrated above) allows the cape to be used as a sort of utility device. What sort of utility device depends on your personal preference and preparation. I’ve started equipping characters with capes coated in insulation and fire retardant as a handy Rescue Blanket/fireproofing for “burning building” scenarios.

  5. Jordan says:

    A cape can be useful in that you can use it to cover up an exposed civilian or something like that. But it MUST not act as a hindrance. Having it easily detach (using something like velcro or snap fasteners) helps prevent it from getting in the way.

    Bright colors and a distinct design help to distinguish you from a civilian and marks you as a hero, which helps draw attention to you (both good and bad).

  6. Tilly the Hun says:

    How is no one talking about the best titled superhero-clothes-dealer ever, “Measure of a Hero”?!

    That name is genius. Beautiful, pun genius.

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